I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
