there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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