Whod you bang
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
