Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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