I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
