All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
