these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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