At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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