forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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