i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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