I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
