The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
