so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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