I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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