she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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