Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We are all done wearing pants today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
