Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
