the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
