I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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