Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
