It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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