Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
