Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
