and you said cock pushups were impossible
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
