I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
