I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
