That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
