I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
