i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
