Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
