should my penis look like a turkey
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
