Sry I called you an 8
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
