I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
