I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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