I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
