How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did i walk over a car last night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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