Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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