I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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