Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
