do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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