On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Soap is not a condiment
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
