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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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