For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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