Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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