I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
