You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
