I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
