I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
