you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
