you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
