my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
