Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
