I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
