Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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