I'm gonna have a badass scar
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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